Foreign Language Anxiety: How I Overcame My Fear of Speaking Thanks to Japanese Philosophy

Conoscere un’altra lingua significa avere una seconda anima.

carlo magno

Foreign Language Anxiety: Does That Ring a Bell?

“Studio l’italiano da due anni, ma non riesco a parlare…”

If you recognise yourself in these words, you’re in the right place. It means you are experiencing some difficulties in your Language Learning Journey and, at the same time, that you seek to change. And I am here to help you.

I myself experienced some troubles along the path. And I want to share my personal journey with you in the hope of giving you the courage to find your own way to succeed.

I have always loved foreign languages but I was an extremely shy and sensitive child. At the same time, at some stage, I have developed a kind of “positive” anxiety. You know, that kind of anxiety that pushes you forward, that makes you try to do things you think you cannot do at all. So, when the time came and I had to choose which faculty to enrol in, I went to Foreign Languages and Literatures.

As we know, no matter how positive it may be, anxiety is still anxiety. Therefore, while it was a choice that could be described as brave, I had no idea how specifically I would have to face and overcome my fear of speaking in a foreign language.

As a result, during the first years of university I basically deprived myself of the possibility to improve: I refused to speak and even when I wished to try, I couldn’t. I feared the judgement of both professors and my colleagues. I genuinely thought everybody else was better than me and I couldn’t find the courage to put myself at stake.

Of course, I knew that I could not expect to succeed like I wanted if I continued not to practice conversation. But still, I couldn’t manage. I was stuck.

Foreign Language Anxiety: Four Stages to Overcome it

Disclaimer: These stages are meant to be a way of outlining and summarising the stages I personally had to go through to overcome my Language Speaking Anxiety.

1. Denial / Avoidance

Personally, I have never denied my problem, but I have known people who have.

However, I have undeniably avoided to do something about it for a long time. Looking back on it now, I realise it was because of a lack of self-confidence and a fear of trying and failing.

But if you never try, you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Oh Chris, I should have listened to you before! 🤭​

2. Becoming conscious of and facing the problem

Joking aside, I needed to face the ugly truth after my bachelor’s degree. I studied English and Spanish and while I did not have major problems with the latter, I had a deeply twisted relationship with my English.

So, I decided to do something about it and I moved to London. I’ll spare you the details, let’s just say that it was an experience that would have complicated my relationship with “my-English-Language-Self” even more.

First attempt: failed!

Non importa quante volte cadi, ma quante volte cadi e ti rialzi

vince lombardi

It does not matter how many times you fall but how many times you fall and get back up. In other words, it doesn’t matter how many times you fail. The only thing that matter is to keep trying. Until you find your own way to succeed.

I have never stopped trying. And I am so proud of myself for that.

3. Self-awareness

Learn to listen to yourself. I strongly believe this is essential.

All in all, I think this is an easy task for some people. On the other hand, if you struggle to look inside, my friendly advice is to give it a try. If only to understand your relationship with the foreign language is giving you some hard time.

How were your teachers? Perhaps you had or still have a difficult relationship with some of them? And therefore with the language?

Perhaps you feel obliged to learn this foreign language and there’s a block between you and the language?

Or maybe you have low self-esteem and you don’t want to be judged?

Whatever the cause, only you can bring clarity within yourself.

4. Take Action and Be Steadfast

Once you have made clarity within yourself, it’s time to take action.

My motto is Master Yourself – Master The Language!

Be honest with yourself, always. Everyone has both strengths and weak points. The secret is to embrace both. Enhance your strengths and work on your weak points, always with your head held high!

Since I don’t know you and I cannot speak for yourself, the only thing I can do is to make my story available to you, in the hope that it will inspire you and help you along your path.

Master yourself ➡️​ Master The Language

Foreign Language Anxiety: Cultural and Identity Factors

Although it is evident that there is a very strong link between language and culture, the exact nature of this connection is difficult to determine and highly controversial.

However, to keep it simple, we can agree that those who ‘live the same culture’ and speak the same language, to some extent, share the way of thinking and interpreting the world. In other words, our identity as individuals is influenced by our cultural identity and viceversa.

Let’s make an example. If a person living in a Western country when receiving a favour from someone is used to thanking them, in Japan it is not uncommon for people to apologise (for the inconvenience) instead of thanking them for the gesture received.

Whereas in thanking one focuses on the benefit gained by the recipient of the action performed, in apologising the emphasis is on the cost and thus the inconvenience caused to the person performing the action. It is not so important that the recipient benefited from a gift received as it is the effort the other person had to make in choosing and buying the gift.

Another example is the way we react to a compliment. When Italians receive a compliment they usually thank the other person. If a Japanese person reacted in the same way, they would feel and be considered too conceited or vain. In fact, when a Japanese is paid a compliment, it is normal for them to react by denying it.

If language, culture and identity are so interconnected, it is not difficult to understand how intimate and emotional the language learning journey can be.

Every time we learn and speak another language, our identity is enriched with new facets that are sometimes very different from those of our own culture.

Embrace Your-Foreign-Language-Self

In glottodidactics we talk about the ‘self in a foreign language‘, about ‘being‘ in another language.

Sometimes this process can be perceived as intrusive and the result is a raising of our emotional barriers. This happens very frequently to immigrants who have had to leave their country for reasons of force majeure and who find themselves having to completely immerse themselves in a new culture. They feel like they are required to ‘betray’ and abandon their original selves for a completely new Second-Language-Selves.

But this is not true. Eventually they manage to reborn as unique and enriched individuals, carrying with them both the native language-culture and the foreign ones. And when it happens, call me over-emotional, but for me it really is magic.

We don’t need to replace our first language, or change who we are, but just allow ourselves to grow, to enrich who we are.

Actually, there are more and more foreign language teachers – especially language coaches – who are starting to question the term ‘foreign’ when it comes to a language.

… When you speak it, it is your language –
it is only ‘foreign’ if you never use it.

emmanuelle betham

The fundamentals of Japanese philosophy to overcome Foreign Language Anxiety

I want to mention three books that really helped me with my speaking anxiety.

The Courage to Be Disliked: What Others Think About You is Their Problem

This book is about the freedom found in living without the need to please others. But it also speaks of the courage it takes to take full responsibility for change.

“If only…“.

Complete the sentence as you wish. “If only I had had a more expansive character”, “If only this had not happened to me”, these are all thoughts we use to externalise responsibilities.

Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, the authors explain how we are all free to shape our own future, without being limited by past experiences, doubts or the expectations of others.

In plain English, within yourself you have the power to change, despite your past and others’ opinion about you. Yes, it’s really this simple. The hardest thing is to go through and overcome the first impact, that is, to internalise the concept, make it yours.

Changing is hard, let’s not kid ourselves, it is scary. But still, it is possible for everyone and yes, even for you!

The Courage to Change: Step Outside The Realm of Possibility

“If only I had the possibility/the time to practice…”

As long as you live like this, staying within the realm of possibility, you will never be able to change, because saying ‘if only…’ is an excuse not to change.

If you wish to be able to speak, let’s say in Italian, without fear nor anxiety and you tell yourself the reason you can’t make it happen is because you don’t have enough time, enough opportunities, or whatever, ask yourself “Is this the real reason?“.

I’m telling you. No, it is not.

You actually want to leave yourself open to a possibility – ‘If I try, I can do it’ – but without making any commitment, without actually putting yourself out there. You don’t want to expose yourself to the judgement of others and you certainly don’t want to face the possibility of ‘not being good enough’.

We often choose to live within the realm of possibility, where we can say that we could do it if only we had the time or the opportunities and that we really have the skills.

Whatever Has Happened in Your Life So Far, it Should in No Way Affect How You Will Live From Now On

The book speaks of ‘trauma’. However, perhaps in this case it is better to think about ‘past events that now make it difficult for us to speak in another language‘. So keep this in mind when from now on we talk about ‘trauma’.

In Adlerian psychology, trauma is resolutely denied. It doesn’t really matter if we agree or not. What do we have to focus on is instead the concept that when we talk about our ‘trauma’ it is a way to understand and address the causes because of which we are who we are now. But it is also a way to say “See? It is not my fault“, so as to console ourselves.

There is no harm in that, of course.

But by limiting ourselves to this, can we change? Can we improve and grow? Of course not.

The self is determined not by past experiences, but by the meaning we attach to them.

Therefore, we can use Adlerian psychology to scale down past ‘traumas’ and deprive them of their power over us.

It is Not Your Job To Worry About What Others Think Of You

Being judged is inevitable.

None of us wants to be disapproved by others. And we all want to be judged positively. It’s in our nature. However, despite our best efforts, both you and I are the object of someone’s disapproval. It’s inevitable. We cannot change that.

And what can we do about something we cannot change?

Accept that.

When you fully accept that, you will allow yourself to be free.

There is a price to pay for exercising one’s freedom and, in interpersonal relationships, it coincides with the disapproval of (some) others.

Remember what I’ve said, be truly honest with yourself, be in charge of your own life, accept yourself. Don’t be the person who judges you in the first place, we don’t need to be harsh with ourselves. Remember? Everybody has both strengths and weak points: embrace your strengths and find the courage to change and improve those aspects that prevent you from becoming the best version of yourself.

Ikigai and Japanese Philosophy: The Importance of Continuous Improvement

This book explores three concepts of Japanese philosophy, each of which could be of great help in helping you to bring clarity to your life: Ikigai, Kaizen and Shinrin-Yoku.

Given the breadth of the topic, for now we will focus mostly on the Kaizen philosophy and only some aspects of Ikigai, otherwise we risk going too far off topic. Anyway if you are looking for something that could help you make some clarity within yourself, especially regarding your career – or you purpose in life – you can delve into the topic in parallel.

Ikigai (生き甲斐) literally means ‘reason for life‘: iki (life/living) and gai (reason or meaning). This ‘art of living’ has influenced Japanese people’s way of living for hundreds of years.

The Ikigai philosophy helped me to get confirmation that this path I have chosen is the right one for me.

The most important aspect of Ikigai that can help you overcome Foreign Language Anxiety is Passion (what you love + what you are good at).

You may need to find ways to integrate the language you are learning into what you are passionate about or, to find something about the target language-culture that you enjoy.

To give a trivial example, if you are a film enthusiast you should not only watch movies/films in your target language but you could try to go even deeper and read something about the cinematographic tradition of those countries where the language is spoken. Or even participate in first person in the discussion (e.g. cinematography forum).

Sometimes, making an effort to find something from the target culture that we like or can get passionate about is already a great thing, allowing us to learn the language with pleasure and thus even speak more naturally.

Simply put, starting with our passions and using our target language to explore them is the way forward.

Kaizen

Kaizen (改善) is the composition of two Japanese terms, KAI (change, improvement) and ZEN (good, better), and means ‘change for the better‘.

If we can use Ikigai to boost our motivation, we need to explore Kaizen philosophy to go the extra mile.

Think about motivation as the initial spark. What we need to constantly keep the flame alive is discipline. Without practice and dedication we will never get where we want to be.

Once we understand and metabolise the concept that we have to stop fooling ourselves by making excuses to stay within the realm of possibility, we can start on the way out.

When I started on my way out, there were many moments when I got stuck and felt like I was back at square one. I was angry with myself, I was disappointed, and this prevented me from seeing things clearly.

Kaizen philosophy helped me realise that I had to be – or rather, I wanted to be – more resilient. What I learned is that I have to choose every single day to work on myself and be the best version of myself. This allowed me to no longer feel overwhelmed.

I realised that I have to stop being harsh with myself and that the only thing I’m suppose to do is get back up on my feet whenever I fall down.

Simple as that.

There is no magic formula nor external forces that will enable you to achieve your goals.

There’s no switch. There’s only you and your resilience. It’s all in your hands. And this should not scare you at all. Get it into your head that you can do it, and prove it by working steadily on yourself.

Even one tiny step at a time, but start walking! And even when you fall, it’s OK. Get back on your feet and keep going.

Small steps lead to huge progress. Once I took full responsibility and control over the route I was finally able to fully enjoy the journey.

Now when I fall I am no longer worried, I know it happens, I know I want to choose to get back up and I know I will get back up.

Being More Bonsai: Patience and Constant Care are the Key To Lasting Growth

Just as a bonsai tree needs time and patience to grow, language learning requires care and perseverance.

Language learning is a journey.

Be wary of those who try to sell you magic formulas such as ‘learn the language in twenty days’.

We never stop learning. And everyone has their own pace.

If we can be true to ourselves and do our best, we should not feel inadequate or inferior to anyone.

Being consistent does not mean studying the language every day for hours on end. It happens to everyone to have a bad day. Sometimes we are tired, sometimes we are sad….

Being constant means never losing focus.

If we have a bad day, we must in no way use it as an excuse to give up and neither must we let guilt overwhelm us.

When it happens to me, I reassure myself by saying ‘OK, that’s how it goes today. Take this day to recharge your energy, and tomorrow do your best!’. And, for me at least, it works.

We live in a society that requires us to always give our best, to never stop. We are led to believe that we must be productive, always and in any case.

What we should do is re-educate ourselves. Begin to view each small improvement positively, as part of a larger process.

I’ll tell you more.

To achieve a huge and nebulous goal like ‘learning a new language’, what we have to do is set short-term micro-goals and renew them time after time. Indeed, this is the only way not to lose focus.

As I said, one tiny step at a time.

Ultimately, it is essential to accept our imperfections and use them as a stimulus to improve, just as one shapes the branches of a bonsai tree, with care and dedication, to guide its growth.

Mistakes are inevitable and necessary!

Take Action! Ideas for Practice

Foreign Language Anxiety: Overcome Your Fear of Talking by Creating Opportunities to Prove Yourself

Mine was not a sudden change.
I know myself very well by now, and I know that I need to go step by step sometimes.

So, I started speaking English – and then other languages – on my own. I got into the habit of talking to myself or at most to my cat(s)! 😸​

The second step was to start reading aloud and recording myself, then listening back to the recordings and double-checking the pronunciation in the online dictionary.

The third step was to enrol in a conversation and pronunciation ‘course’, during which I finally gave myself the chance to use English, the chance to speak without fear, the chance to make mistakes and thus to improve.

At last! I have given myself the opportunity to enjoy and appreciated My-English-Language-Self.

Basically, the advice is to start practising the language in situations that are ‘safe’ for you, accepting that mistakes are part of the learning process. To be able to speak and/or converse more and more naturally, it is important to focus on the message, rather than on perfection.

In addition to the advice to create opportunities for yourself to speak in your ‘other’ language, remember that in order to improve in speaking it is essential to practise active listening.

Listen, talk and converse as much as you can. We are now spoilt for choice, from online platforms (e.g. language tandems or forums), websites, podcasts, radio, films, songs… everything is just a click away. To learn more about this and how to learn the language yourself, I invite you to click here.

Being More Motivated, Patient and Disciplined

Habits are perhaps the most difficult thing to change and reshape.

To make room for learning a new language among our habits, motivation alone is not enough. Motivation is indeed very important but is, by its very nature, unstable. Or rather, it’s variable.

Intervening in the area of habit is so difficult because it requires discipline. It requires an effort of will – sometimes not inconsiderable – on our part.

As I have already said, being disciplined does not mean setting the bar too high. By demanding too much too soon, the result is only to lose our focus.

On the contrary, being disciplined means setting daily or even weekly micro-goals. Setting linguistic micro-goals in advance then translates into finally taking those steps forward that will get you where you want to be.

By now you will have realised, language learning is a personal – for some very intimate, I would venture – and enriching journey. Enjoy it! Always with curiosity, towards the language and towards yourself.

Overcoming Anxiety And Fear of Judgement

This is an extremely intimate work. What I can say for sure is that just admitting it to yourself and starting to think you want to do something about it is a huge step forward.

To overcome anxiety and fears, the only advice I can give you is to stop for five or ten minutes and listen to yourself. This ‘exercise’ has always helped me a lot to really get clarity within myself.

Only you can decide what is really best for you.

If you are interested, I can suggest two techniques that have worked and continue to work very well for me. After all, it costs nothing to try.

• Mindfulness meditation
• Shinrin-yoku: we can translate it as ‘bathing in the forest’. It is a Japanese practice that consists of periodically leaving behind the chaos of the city and technology, going into nature to reconnect with it and, in doing so, with oneself. Of course we don’t literally have to go into the forest, but carving out time away from technological distractions and in the midst of nature is really good for our mental health. Depending on where you live, you can go to a park, for a walk in the countryside or in the mountains. It’s up to you!

As for the fear of being judged, you can start talking to yourself in front of the mirror, even better while videotaping yourself. This is really a functional exercise, both for pronunciation and for the psychological-emotional aspects.

I know it could probably be difficult even to do just that at first, but if you think about it you will realise that it is a necessary step. And trust me, slowly when you see yourself in those videos, you will learn to appreciate yourself, not to judge yourself and before you know it what others think of you will have less and less weight and importance in your life.